It can now been proven, although no scientific evidence exists, that the actual application of these cankers can cause a similar amount of pain to a shirt as tattooing a baby, except that you can't hear the screams that the football shirt emits.

Latest figures suggest that 78% of people who wear a shirt with another person's name on, suffer from low self esteem or an inferiority complex and need to boost their flagging ego by thinking that onlookers will associate them with the stature of the name on their back.

Then there is the Judas factor. What happens when you put the name of a player who turns out to be a Judas within the space of a few weeks? The shirt then becomes an outcast. Either it is locked in a cupboard, starved of sunlight for evermore, or it is thrown out onto the street, discarded like a bridge scorecard. I have seen too many examples of once proud shirts, which now lie forlornly in a crumpled heap but always face up, too embarrassed to show what is on their back, like a beaten housewife hiding her bruises. Football - Not Muggybonehead do what they can by giving them refuge and try to restore their confidence and inner strength, but it's not an easy task.

You may argue that Football - Not Muggybonehead still sell shirts with the aforementioned eyesores but they offer them rehabilitation with the prospect of finding a new home. Hopefully, they can eventually put the cruel torment that they have endured well and truly behind them.

If, after reading this, you think that you may suffer from this disease, then contact me at